Beholder, a Haiku (Haiku 5)

A repost from my old blog...

serenely floating
sphere of sure and certain doom;
eyes wink at the world

And the Answer is "Hit Points"

Take one of the older editions of Dungeons & Dragons (or your favorite retroclone), strip away everything except the one most fundamental and essential element. What do you have left?

Falling Down: GURPS Session in the Majestic Wilderlands

When I was a kid, my parents subjected me to five years worth of horse riding lessons (both English and Western). My sister became a good enough rider to win some events at horse shows. Me? I preferred dirt bikes and never really got past the fact that I was on a very large animal with a very small brain. However, in all of those years of riding, I never fell off a horse.

My GURPS character, Delvin, is not so lucky. He suffered the ultimate dwarven humiliation: Fall off your horse, land on your back, and then lie their with your beautiful short arms and legs flailing away for a round or so. It is a fate that I would not wish on anyone (well, maybe an elf).

The session started out innocent enough. We continued the work we needed to do on our inn. We secured membership with the inn guild, met with our innkeep, secured our brewmaster (a task that required significant rounds of testing), met with the master mason on construction, and came up with building plans. We also debated how to settle the 24 refugees that we had rescued. We decided to set up a little farming hamlet next to the inn.

With tentative plans laid, we hopped up on our horses and headed out to the actual building site, about a day's ride from where were have been staying (Dorn). There were four PCs in the group, plus one noncombatant NPC (our innkeeper). The ride was uneventful and would have been quite pleasant, had we not observed the lack of commercial traffic. Maybe this inn wasn't such a great idea?

The land became wilder as we moved closer to our destination. Suddenly, Durgo, the most observant of our party, noticed a group of armed men hiding up ahead in the trees and brush. We stopped, checked them out from a distance, and drew our weapons. I opted to prep my crossbow. This was a bit of a mistake.

As combat ensued, I missed my target (not surprisingly) and then wasted time drawing my two-handed battleaxe. While I was diddling with my axe, the six opponents shape-changed into boars. Oh, for crap. We were outnumbered six to five (never a good thing in GURPS), with our inkeeper as a noncombant. This made him a liability rather than an asset and also made it a four-on-six battle. Half of us would be outnumbered.

As I am the sole remaining meatshield in the group, I probably should not have wasted time with my crossbow. I am a killing machine with my battleaxe, but the crossbow is always a bit of an adventure for me. As I was drawing my axe and cursing my luck, I was heartened by the telling blows made by my companions. They were making a better showing than I expected. A series of strong attacks by my companions and poor defensive moves by our opponents tilted the field in our favor.

I was able to make my first swing of my axe count, killing a boar. It looked like the fight would end quickly and in our favor. But then our luck changed. Even as I confidently looked for my next foe, a boar attacked and my horse and I were not able to dodge. My horse was gored--fatally so--and I tumbled head over heels to the ground.

Now dwarves are not graceful folk. But we are not ashamed of this. We leave the dancing and prancing to pretty-boy elves. We prefer steadiness and sturdiness to flash and dance. However, rolling off a horse presents dwarves in the worst possible light. No steadiness. No sturdiness.

I found myself lying flat on my back, arms and legs flailing to right myself before I was set upon by a boar. My heavy armor prevented injury, but it accentuated by dwarven lack of grace. My sense of vulnerability was only surpassed by my embarrassment. I heard jeers of "turtle" even as I began to right myself.

As I began to waste precious seconds getting back to my feet, I noticed a stunned boar next me. I was able to take a measured swing (telegraphic) and kill him, even while on my knees. This redeemed the situation...a bit. By time I was ready to fight on my feet, the melee was over and the few remaining boars turned back to men and surrendered. I had taken out two of the six, even with waste-of-time crossbow shot and the tumble to the ground.

My colleagues began to question our captives. We discovered them to be cursed...probably not lycanthropes. It was obvious that the rest of my party was trying to figure out to save them from their wretched state. Me? I wanted to kill them, in part because they killed my horse (horses always win out over humans in my simple dwarven mind). Even apart from my horse, however, I wanted to silence them so that they could never speak of the dwarf lying on his back. The reputation of a dwarf is much more important than the life of a human (you humans are like rabbits...kill a few and they reproduce faster than ever).

This is where our session ended.

Monday Moodsetter 8

"The Space Mariner" by Kali Ciesemier

RPG Rorschach: What is the first gaming thought that pops into your head?

Resisting Impulsive/Compulsive RPG Purchases

Back when I was in my late 20s, I lived for a time in northern Minnesota, along the north shore of Lake Superior. The area is absolutely gorgeous and I would move back there in a heartbeat if I had the chance...Anyway, while I was there, I spent a lot of time hiking, cross country skiing, and snowshoeing. I also took up fishing (or rather returned to it, as I fished a lot as a young child). I soon learned that fishing was not a cheap activity. It wasn't like it was when I was a kid, where I could bring home a bucket of panfish with a can of worms and cheap fishing pole. I needed all sorts of things just to get started--poles, reels, lures, jigs, tackle boxes--not to mention the need to have a boat, regular boat motor, trolling motor, floatation devices, sonar fish finder. I choose to be on good terms with boat owners, as I couldn't afford to drop the cash needed for even a small boat. Oh, I almost forgot the need for a trailer and a four-wheel drive truck. At the end of the day, you could buy a giant pile of Mrs. Paul's best for the price of catching one walleye.

One of my very wise fishing buddies made the simple observation that most fishing equipment is designed to catch fisherman, not fish. I think about that little gem on a regular basis as I am involved in a number of fun activities where I could easily spend way beyond my means (much to my wife's dismay). I play music (easy to drop $2K on a decent bass or $300 on an effects pedal). I read (and collect) history books and most of the topics I enjoy are only published by university publishing houses (not cheap). And then there is gaming. If you are reading this post, you need no explanation as to how easy it would be to drop a couple hundred on gaming stuff.

I have lived with myself long enough to know that when it comes to music equipment, books, and gaming stuff, I can very impulsive. Nothing like walking into a music store for a $10 instrument cable and walking out with a $600 guitar. Working in the nonprofit sector and having kids in college requires me to be bit more responsible than that.

Back in Minnesota, I would look at the fishing tackle and ask: (1) Do I actually need this to catch fish? (2) Do I need to buy this today or can I think about it for another day? I do the same thing with gaming stuff. The fact is, when it comes to gaming, all you really need is a set of dice, a pencil, and some blank paper.

It isn't that I don't ever buy gaming stuff...I do. And sometimes I buy a lot of it. And sometimes I buy things and then think the next week, what did I need with that? But I do try to avoid that sort of buyer's remorse. I think the main thing is knowing myself and not necessarily trusting that overwhelming urge to buy the latest game product. I try to only buy things I know I will actually use in the next six months.

I use online wish lists to keep me from online impulse purchases: When I feel the urge to buy something and I cannot think I will immediately use, I put it on a wish list and give it the highest priority. Almost always, I find myself going back to that list a month later and lowering the priority. My online wish lists are filled with thousands of dollars worth of stuff that I thought I had to have but then discovered I didn't really need. I figure I get the fun of shopping without an attack of buyer's remorse.

Truth be told, I have a lot of books that I will never read and piles of gaming stuff that  I will never use [Shhhh! Please keep that to yourself, as this is something I don't want to admit to my wife more often that absolutely necessary]. There a plenty of things that could have remained on a wishlist instead of being purchased by me. Lots of things sitting here that make me wonder, "Did I really pine and swone for these things?" This being said, a certain red five string bass has been sitting on my wish list for a good long time and Father's Day is just around the corner. Come on now, Daddy looks good in red.

Five for Friday 9: Groovy Lists

G-Rated Beholder

I love lists. Tallest buildings. Best batting averages. Fastest growing MSAs. Here is a list of five posts or articles, each containing a groovy list:

• D&D is Really Scary or How to Run a Rated G Game: A visual tour of how to make your game table less scary.
• Dungeons & Dragons: Celebrating 30 Years of Very Stupid Monsters: Any article that celebrates the Giant Beaver is A-OK in my book (someday I'll write a post about how using an animal control potion on a group of giant beavers resulted in an unintended massacre of a village...it is a painful memory). Be sure to check out the sequel article.
• Hobo's Treasures: I was all-in at "'Hobo Treasures' for a gonzo hobo themed dungeon node."
• Secret Santicore: New Planes Revealed! Inner Plane #2 is #1 on my list.
• Strange Armor: What is your favorite? Mine is the "Living Suit of Tough Meat."

What gaming lists have grabbed your attention and imagination?

Blech...

Flu...not much else to add to that.